#anyways i should sleep but im right.
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i wrote longer bullet points and then realized my thoughts on the Unending Debate About Using Queer are just
if someone wants to call themselves queer that's okay and do not force them to change this
if someone does not want to call themselves queer that's okay and do not force them to change this
being uncomfortable with the way someone else describes or does not describe their own identity and refusing to respect their choice is a You Problem
shut up about if it's a slur or not. like yeah so are half of the terms LGBT people use to self identify what else is new. who cares.
edit to clarify i am trans and gay this is not a transphobe-friendly post. gargle my dick and balls
#patch me through to palaven command#making my discourse posts at 4am#sorry but if i see one more long essay where the crux of it is like ooohhh but its not a slur only terfs say it is#first off i think you're stupid#second off if your only reason for using it is because its not a slur i think you're kind of a pussy.#like at least say it with your whole chest yknow. dedicate to being queer dont sugarcoat it because its the polite option#anyways i should sleep but im right.#q slur#tagging it feels a little against the point of the post but i shant refuse a polite request
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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*sittin up projecting onto the baby blorbo when I should be sleeping*
#just havin a super normal 1#ok but i neddta tag rant#prepare for typos#but#like ok imagine you havin your first real melt down#you dont know whats happenin just that you feel like your goin insane#and instead of helpin ya#your dad- the only person ever been lookin out for ya#his solution is restrict your freedom/ cut off access to this part of you that he was praisin and encouraging before#cause yknow it scares him now#now bein strong and aggressive is bad and you needta be quiet and calm#but ay since you cant act up now problem solved right?#he can just ignore it all now#no way this sudden unexpected shift will trigger a downward spiral or anything#....anyway yes im sayin the big evil bad guy is just an uwu over stimulated smol bean#...but fr every time paragus says ' there was somethin far darker about him ' i get sad for the dumb man baby#cause man hes talkin about his kid#blah blah blah ok sleep. thats a thing i should do soon
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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*touches screen dramatically* v5 is almost here...
#Im a faker i havent caught up on the post game story at ALL i just know we all eat shit and die and some stuff happens in between there /hj#anyways i was gonna go to sleep then i saw that axez was literally updating the v5 section on the site as i was closing out discord so now#I have the zoomies or something#rahhhhhhhh i need to catch up on the story#I dont know if i have the energy right now with school and work to replay the whole game Again esp untranslated but i know enough to watch#someone else play it prabably#sig blinks now btw at least in the first two cutscenes which is mindblowing news /silly#axez animate my scenes too right meow /silly#the real answer is i need to get not scared enough to talk in the big m04 server but that's... perhaps i shant...#I just lurk like a little bug. a little bachi buggg. anyways#mutuals you should totally add me on discord i stole our hosts account we can be silly about numa game together /nf#status noir#🕶️ posting
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the physical therapist after listening to me describe my pain as a rock stuck in my neck instead of "dull" or "sharp" : okay... and on a scale of 1-10 how would you rate this pain?
my autistic ass who just described my muscle pain from a concussion with a metaphor: a 5 or maybe a 7... POINT FIVE.
the physical therapist: .....
#like what the hell does anyof that mean#what is sharp pain#i dont fucking get it#im used to pretending to get it though but i just had a therapy appointment right before#about masking my autism and lying to people that i understand things they are saying#even though i dont understand#so i just sat there in silence after a lot of her questions about describing my pain#because i was really trying o describe it honestly in the terms provided#but i still dont get it...#what is the difference between dull or achy#i just said its uncomfortable#and when i lay down to sleep it feels like my bones arent aligned correctly#and when the pt looked at me without saying anything after that#i realized thats not how im supposed to describe it#so i kept yapping using different metaphors and shit#yes the rock in my neck one#fucking WHATEVER#anyways she starting feeling around my neck#and was like#your muscles are so sore and tender!!! you will have to come in more often than i thought. twice a week and we should do dry needling#i was like oh ok
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HI I CANT REPLY TO THE POST BUT YOURE SOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT
I had the thought that they probably slept together and regret it after bc of the pregnancy but the idea that he raped her was so prevalent online I thought it was stated canon and I was just misremembering or something and i've not yet replayed it
FINALLY OH MY GOD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS...... we're spinning around and frolicking in a field right now
but yeah no seriously yr right, it is never canonically stated and tbh i dont even consider it heavily implied because. yknow. [gestures to the 2 hours it took to write my theory post]. like.. its a valid interpretation of course, its just that the fandom treats it so much like it was canonically stated that some people think the entire game is about it. which. it very much Is Not™. so i guess what im trying to say is that im really glad to see someone else follow the same train of thought as me!!! :DDD feels good to know im not totally out of touch LMAO
#scary crane answer#dental hygiene videogame tag#''oh the game is about ra-'' no the game is about capitalism guys. its about how fucking garbage late stage capitalism is#its about how pony express fucked everyone over from the start#its about how they let people who should not be on a spaceship onto a spaceship for several years#its about how even THEY didnt take the psych evals seriously#its about how they took literally any and every excuse to dock their employees' pay#its about how they wouldnt their employees get more than 5 hours of sleep (INCLUDING THE GUYS FLYING THE SHIPS!!!!)#none of this would've happened if it weren't for pony express' incompetence#like it or not jimmy IS a victim of this. just like everyone else is#if im right about him being schizophrenic then he was probably denied his medication. so yeah. theres that#anyways hows everyone else doing tonight LOL#also if u have any headcanons about the funny mouthwash people PLEEEEASE SEND THEM TO ME#i only have like one other friend in this fandom pls talk to me abt this game
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...
#made it back to school last night from my childhood hometown in NC#i feel so strange... i got there on thursday afternoon and came back yesterday but i feel like that weekend lasted a month#i think i am in shock still.. the area i grew up in is so utterly and completely devastated i can hardly comprehend it#not to mention the surrounding states...#and even though we were just trying to survive while i was there and it was so so scary .. it was only temporary for me#i get to go home to my cushy apartment with running water and electricity while some of my closest friends and family are wondering#if they can get enough water#and so many have lost their livelihoods or even their lives#some of them have gotten water and power back but others are still stuck. and i feel like i am still there even though im not.#its like this weird anxious guilty numbness feeling that wont go away and gets worse whenever i turn on lights or see a case of water.#i dont live there anymore but I am so emotionally tied to that area ... and i was there for the storm and saw the aftermath#but its not actually my home so i feel like... i dont know what I feel actually.#but i dont feel good#and then i feel guilty for feeling bad too!! like I dont deserve to be upset or traumatized?? maybe i should go to therapy again...#idk if any of this even makes sense... and i dont mean to be all me me me during all of this. i guess I am just tired and need to vent a bi#anyway please please pray for the people affected by the hurricane. and if you can donate that would be so so wonderful.#it seems like it will be years for the area to fully recover. if it ever even does.#if youve read this far you have my apologies for my word slop... heres a heart for you 🩷 and a caterpillar 🐛 i think i need to go to bed#i have class and rehearsal tomorrow. even though all of that just seems kind of pointless to me right now#but maybe more sleep will help...#my post
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i thnnk they look like boyfriends
#not kuroko#or kise or akashi i am talking about#aokaga#sorry its coming up in the tag but like. by this point i feel like you should be used to seeing me here#anyway im going to sleep but i saw this and knew i had to talk abot it#i then DIDNT talk about it#im right#i miss youuuuuuuu seirin aomine rp account from 2013!!!!!#touou!kagami woulda quit#there i said it#ok anyway bye
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Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.
#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week#anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week#ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!!#theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄''#like yeah actually you do#if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY#yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable#whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights#right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request#then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄''#like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil.#anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now#it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations
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Sometimes venturing onto the For You side of Twitter sparks joy.
Based take. Shoujo and Josei are fucking top notch, both in characters and art style (how can you not think they’re beautiful?)
“Ruined the JJK and MHA fandoms” is WILD. I avoid fandoms for the most part (except perusing tumblr for the occasional fucking thesis women write about character motivations i love you women <3) because they usually suck. Seriously, I kept up with OPM for a bit because it was entertaining but holy shit the subreddit (very much full of men) is literally just… sexy woman. More sexy woman. Memes about artist constantly drawing sexy woman. Memes. Occasional power scaling arguments. Low quality page colorings of the exact same page. There is NOTHING. How the hell can women ruin the fandom when the fandom IS the women?!
It’s the women creating in depth analyses on characters; it’s the women writing fanfiction, creating doujinshis; it’s the women creating fandom centered accounts; it’s the women buying every new merch piece that comes out AND giving free advertising by posting about it online. And then men will go on and rag on women for doing all these things. It’s infuriating.
Longevity of a series is also something these idiots ignore. Seriously, look at Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The manga ended in 2012 and the creator is working on a different series. Katekyo Hitman Reborn still gets regular merch releases. This is a series that ended over a decade ago and still has an incredibly dedicated fanbase of, I wonder who, that regularly spends enough money to keep it consistent. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that series is supported mainly by men. I do not care how hard Amano Akira tried to alienate her female fans with her treatment of the female characters you know exactly whos spending the money based on who is constantly getting merch (minus the titular character, because of course he has to be there.)
Honestly I don’t give a damn that fandom can often be absolute insanity; you get a group of people together and it’s always going to be a shitshow, that isn’t unique to fandom, people just like to pretend it is because as always, there’s an undercurrent of misogyny because people know women carry that shit but they only want to acknowledge it when they can use it to criticize them.
I love that she came for the JJK fandom as well. I’ve been following the series because honestly it is really fucking funny because it is the epitome of shounen tropes. The author literally baked them into the world. Explaining your abilities to the opponent makes them stronger. So this entire series you get giant pages of just white with text explaining every little fucking thing like theres a narrator standing over your shoulder making sure you can’t possibly miss anything on the first read. Fuck dude, I don’t mind exorbitant amounts of text in my manga, but you cannot be serious in pretending that is good writing. There’s a deus ex machina that every character can pull out of their ass called a binding vow. Black flash also falls into this category.
Hell, the latest arc has literally just been flashback after flashback playing during the battle of the characters forming a bunch of plans in preparation for the fight we currently are following. This is genuinely one of my most hated tropes. The characters just get off screen power ups that then get handwaved as “well we showed you the flashback right?” there is NO anticipation, any excitement you feel for the battle is purely manufactured rather than genuine. It’s not “I can’t wait to see how the growth I followed of these characters affects the battle” it’s “wow, what cool ability will they pull out of their ass next?” I hate it I loathe it and it’s even worse with emotional moments. Why couldn’t you write this into the story in the first place? Why are you giving it to me in a shitty flashback?
Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough because I launched into a rant. The reason I hated it so much is because it forced the reader to be an observer rather than an active participant in the manga. Everything is spoonfed to you. You don’t need to reread the chapters over and over to put together the pieces on how, where, and why each action took place, the author does that for you. You don’t see everything from a new perspective when you read it a second time, catching lots of things you may have missed because you’re not allowed to miss anything the author deems important.
I enjoy this manga. There is good things about it. But it is nowhere near the god manga (“kamige” would be the term if it was a visual novel; I don’t know a manga equivalent) men like to pretend it is. It genuinely seems like they think everything being explained every page is good writing.
Based and succinct.
Anyway, you shouldn’t restrict yourself from experiencing specific genres because they’re for “the lessers” because that’s actually fucking cringe and maybe you should touch a Josei manga, or even a Shoujo manga. Maybe it’ll open your eyes and you’ll realize, hey, women’s media is actually- oh who the fuck am I kidding just pull the trigger.
#taking the bait and getting mad about things that dont matter dot rtf#i would genuinely love to write actual well thought out well written and well researched essays on the shit im into#but going on barely edited rants is easier and gives me those feel good chemicals faster#i started this with twitter sparking joy then proceeded to go on a rant about how much hate fills my heart#i hope my ranting is at least somewhat coherent because my thought process is incredibly scattered right now#i also rant about JJKs writing because i was going to do that one of these days anyway but i read my sleeper activation phrase in a tweet#basically im mad at how much men ignore womens contributions to the series they claim to enjoy#no evidence is ever good enough for them either#you have a japanese study showing the sex division for a popular series has an even 50:50 split?#it doesnt fit the exact parameters that i believe it should! (angry mention about ‘the gays’ when they werent even brought up)#also yeah im sure when theres an even amount of both women and men watching something ONLY the men actually contribute right#ask me about my opinions i dont bite ;^)#also i need a nap because i have been awake far too long hello insomnia#was about to go to sleep then i was provoked and had to fight (opened twitter and then rant on a blog out in nowhere)#goodnight (its noon)
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I'm using a blow dry brush and it's actually working!?!??!!?!?!?!?
#IM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY#FUCK I NEED TO SLEEP I DIDNT NOTICE THE TIME#its ok if i ont sleep this on ce right#oh fuck my poor neighbours i forgot tht my hairdryer is loud....#this is why i should wake up at normal times#well whatever i didnt like them anyway theyre super fucking loud too#and its ok to sacrifice oke nifhts sleep for myhair#it wont result in a all out insomnia thingy again fs i think#aaaaa im so happyyyyyy#WAITTT THE HUMIDITY IS HIGH MY HAIR WILL DIE TMRW :((((
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Okay, this is a judgement-free zone. So I'm going to just,,, I'm gonna say somethign,,,
I finished At the Summit of Apocrypha and like
Hermaeus Mora?
............Would.
like just hear me out hear me out
Video Source
Just. Do you see what I mean?
Daedric Prince of Knowledge? Silky Voice? Other,, ,uhm,,, aspects. Like C'mon.
I just
#Okay anyway recently I discovered I had a thing for God x Worshipper#just in general#a devoted worshipper and their idol#yknow what im sayin#idk maybe im just fucking insane#but i chose all the super boot-licky dialogue choices#and he was so polite and stuff#yeah thats right im a loyal champion ill do your bidding#ANYWAY GOOD LORD#It's 3am i should go to sleep#gummy says stuff#im not main tagging this post i don't want random people to see this#video
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hey capcom i fixed your apolly. no need to thank me just send me a check in the mail
will forever be VIOLENTLY YELLING AND CRYING about how bad apollos sprites in dd are. LIKE THE BASIS FOR A GOOD SPRITE IS THERE but theyre just too samey and simply dont deliver. anyways have my doodles for some revamped sprites, because apollo DESERVES IT
#apollo justice#dual destinies#aa5#ace attorney#doodles#did these w/ phantom#UGHHH his sprites bother me so much#he should interact with the jacket more i think#its comforting to him right? like i assumed he wore it because it was reassuring#so maybe he should hug it around himself when hes stressed or something!!#let him fidget with it when hes thinking!!!!#have it flare up for drama who gives a shit about physics!!!#it does the last one but not enough#its not just a costume swap#its narratively importanr#anyways im soso tired#im gonna cry myself to sleep over what could have been
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QUIT MY JOB WOOO TIME TO FIND ANOTHER
#the timing of this is extraordinary really. right after i posted my fic i wrote to cope with this hell job#me and the manager were talking about the ethics of breaks :/ aka his ass thought you only deserve a break when you work over 8 hours#and only then#''you dont really NEED a break. youre not a minor''#yes of course im not a minor. and my bones and muscles also arent already aching constantly as if i were a senior#i get a migraine very day for this job and sleep it off on the weekends. if thats not a handicap worthy of a break#i dont know why it isnt legalized to give everyone breaks after 4 hours. that should just be the normal#anyways. wish me luck. i have a month before rent gets my ass
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